Personal Statement of Salvation

 As a Christian Chaplain, I follow the teachings of Jesus. This does not mean I am not willing to meet with others for discusses and provide emotional and spiritual guidance to all of seek it.     

I was raised my entire life being taught about the atonement of Jesus and I learned to believe that I was saved by His grace but only after all I could do (Grace+Works). Obedience was the focus of my relationship with my Savior. Because of this I was a pretty good kid, young adult and adult. I tried hard to please God by trying to doing what was right in the eyes of God. Of course I fell short and sinned and then repented, as I was taught.

However, being saved after all you can do created a problem; when had I done enough to cover what Grace was lacking? When had I tipped the scales of God’s justice to now gain his mercy and Grace? I was in a habitual cycle of sinning, feeling unworthy of the atonement, seeing bad things happening in my life, attributing it to God’s punishment, being depressed because I was unworthy to speak to God, working hard to pull myself up (spiritually), and sinning again only to restart the cycle. I worked hard without ever getting closer to God because I felt unworthy, and honestly tired of trying. A complete since of hopelessness, not founded in scripture or the Gospel. 

It was during this time of “Grace Confusion”, my marriage failed and my relationship with my kids fell apart. Because I viewed “bad things happening” as God’s punishment I fell into a crisis of faith and I separated myself from God. I did not even believe that there was any love in the world. Love was the great lie. How could I “work” so hard, only to have God’s snatch it away? I saw the love my family, friends or even God as a lie. I was completely alone, so I thought.

However, God revealed His great love to me one night, while walking along the beach. I was praying for God to reveal Himself (clearing in some since, I still believed or wanted to believe) questioning His existence and if He was real to take my pain away and do something to show His love once again. As I walked, someone (I believe a child) had written in the sand, “God Loves You!” I sat there on the beach and just cried. I knew He loved me and I needed to accept His love and the fullness of the Grace of my Savior, Jesus (Grace+nothing). That night, I fully accepted Him and knew I was saved from my sins and began to completely understand the gift only He could give me. The impact of understanding assured salvation I feel every day of my life. Sins that I struggled with I no longer consume me, because I laid them at the feet of Jesus and He took the burden from me. The cycle was broken by Jesus and Him alone.  My Grace Confusion had come to an end!

Soon after this life-changing event I met my beautiful bride, Kelly. On our first date, which lasted about six hours, we talked about God, His love and His plan for us. After three years of dating, I married the most wonderful, God loving woman and together, with Christ at the center of our marriage, we have grown closer to Jesus then I could have ever imaged in my life. We walk in ministry together, serving the Lord as we serve others.

While sitting in Church one day, I came to a realization of how the gift of the atonement was working in my life and why my relationship with God and Jesus had changed so much after understanding the fullness of Grace and grace’s relationship with works. I wrote the following:

When my obedience drove my faith and my obedience failed, so did my faith. Now that my faith drives my obedience and when my obedience fails, my faith in the Atonement of Christ grows stronger.

Six years after my life “fell apart” I was re-baptized in the Jordan River renewing my commitment to God and continue on this wonderful journey with my beautiful bride and ministry partner, Kelly.

Until God calls me home!